


Every Love

by flightspath



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Communication, Established Relationship, Long-Distance Relationship, Love, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightspath/pseuds/flightspath
Summary: He’s not patient, though, nor generous. He’s in love and he’s hungry and maybe missing Adam is worse than grief, because it does have an end, eventually. Just: not yet, not yet, not yet.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 22
Kudos: 162





	Every Love

**Author's Note:**

> No supernatural, just Ronan in Virginia and Adam at Harvard. Or, the parts where they're together in the midst, I guess.
> 
> Little slice of life/character study with some soft contemplation about love.

Adam stays at the Barns whenever he’s not at school, and Ronan tries to think of that as Real Life, like school is the weird interruption, but it never quite feels that way. Every time he starts to get used to Adam, he leaves again. The semesters feel, infuriatingly, normal.

It’s fine. It’s necessary. Ronan’s used to things that just hurt for no reason; he tells himself that in the hierarchy of hurts, this isn’t the worst. 

He’s not patient, though, nor generous. He’s in love and he’s hungry and maybe missing Adam is worse than grief, because it does have an end, eventually. Just: not yet, not yet, not yet.

Sometimes he wonders: is this like every love? Does everyone feel like this, like the universe orbits around one person? Like anything short of their company is cruel?

\----

Sophomore year, Ronan drives Adam up to school, lets Adam tote him around to meet the roommates, friends, a couple professors. It’s a chore for Adam, the introductions and small talk, but he doesn’t mind showing Ronan off. It’s a chore for Ronan, too, but he likes the same parts as Adam: there’s a possessive animal inside him that wants to make itself known.

“He’s _tall_ ,” one of the friends mouths when Ronan’s not looking, and it makes Adam, loud and delighted. Ronan is handsome and intimidating and surprising and bright and yes, looming over their mini-fridge, very tall. Ronan in boots looks like he might kick the building over; Adam thinks it’s all the stomping around fields and driving tractors and never sitting at a desk.

Ronan stays for three nights and stands in line with Adam at the bookstore. They buy groceries, and Ronan gets beer for the roommates because he never gets carded. It’s a little somber, the days before they separate, but sweet: a different type of domestic. 

The second night, they stand next to each other in the bathroom before bed. Adam looks at Ronan in the mirror, and Ronan looks back.

“Sometimes I don’t know if someone could get me, really, without you,” he says. “Without knowing you.”

Ronan turns and holds Adam’s face in his hands, presses a kiss into his hair. “Same,” he says, before kissing him on the mouth, and then he lets go and they brush their teeth and go to bed. 

\----

“Will you fuck me tonight?”

It's Adam's 21st birthday and he’s blushing a little, even now. Even years in, it’s hard for him to ask for something that will almost certainly be freely given; it’s hard for him to ask for something that exists on its own, for itself, just for pleasure. Sex doesn’t add up to anything, it’s not part of some longer plan. Adam can’t use it or give it or save it as currency-- he knows, because he tried and Ronan didn’t let him. 

Ronan grins at the pink on Adam’s cheeks, the self-deprecating smile. “Absofuckinglutely.” Adam rolls his eyes and straddles Ronan’s lap, lazy desire blooming out of relief and satisfaction. 

Ronan rubs his broad hands up and down Adam’s thighs. “How do you want it?” he asks, voice low. 

“I just want you on top of me,” Adam says. They stare at each other for a moment. “Maybe-- hard,” he says, and fuck, his face is hot. “But... slow.”

Ronan leans back, smug. One part arousal, two parts schadenfreude. Maybe two parts arousal. Three. “You gonna buy me dinner first?”

“It's _my_ birthday, fuck that,” Adam says, and he shoves at Ronan's chest before he swings off his lap. 

Ronan laughs as they walk to the car, and later he takes him to bed and whispers _Like this?_ into his ear. They move quietly in the dark even though no one's around, and right before Adam falls asleep he says, "Like that."

\----

They always plan something fun for his last night in town, and it’s always a good time for a while. And then Adam feels strange and cold and wanders off by himself for a while, and Ronan finds him, or doesn’t, or finishes cooking dinner while Adam lies on his back in the grass.

The night before Adam’s senior year, Ronan finds him upstairs in bed and crawls in next to him.

“Feeling small and fragile and like the world is fuckin’ cruel?”

“Yes,” Adam says, and it barely makes a sound. His voice is a sheet of paper. “How do you always know?”

Ronan thinks about it for a minute before he answers, like maybe he hasn’t ever considered the question. Except he has, every time they’ve had this conversation in every form and variation: 

Ronan, observant of Adam in ways at once miraculous and mundane. Singularly obsessed like every love dumb idiot on the planet.

Adam, ashamed and bewildered at being seen. Competitive and embarrassed at his own bewilderment.

“I love you,” Ronan says. “I know about you. I like… to think about you. Make you feel loved.” 

In the silence, Adam’s breathing is shaky and quick. 

“Plus leaving always gets you fucked up,” Ronan adds. “School and shit. That's just Parrish 101.”

\----

Adam’s freshman year, Ronan had been wary of Harvard; he told Adam that he didn’t want to hold him back. Only an asshole would try to hang out all the time, he argued, when you’re supposed to be doing school shit and being a genius or whatever.

I'll be here when you get back, he said. You do Harvard, and I'll be here.

There was a second reason, too, but they didn't talk about it out loud. Ronan didn’t want to know what Harvard was like because he didn’t want to know if it was wonderful. He didn’t want to know if it was exciting and stimulating and fun. He didn’t want to measure himself against that.

The truth was, Harvard wasn't wonderful. It was fine, and sometimes fun. But mostly it served a purpose and checked a bunch of boxes and filled requirements and months and days. 

That first May, Adam showed up two days earlier than expected: he'd left his keys with his roommate, packed in a hurry and caught a ride home. He walked into the kitchen and scared the shit out of Ronan, who yelled and dropped dinner on the floor. 

“I’m so goddamn glad to be home."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm flightspath on tumblr, too!


End file.
